I Asked For This

Motherhood is F.U.N.!

Stars, candles and pennies… July 5, 2012

Filed under: Life In General — Beth @ 10:47 pm

I wish I may, I wish I might, have this wish I wish tonight…

There are many things that people wish for in their lives that they simply may or may not recieve. Sometimes it is simple wishes “I wish for ice cream” or more complex “I wish for world peace” but everyone, everywhere has a wish in their hearts.

As my children get older I am constantly forced to look to the future and the prospects of going back to work. I dread going back to work. Everything I WANT to do as a career gets pushed off the table due to not being lucrative enough. Everything that is lucrative enough costs too much in time and money to get there. This leaves me standing in the middle with a bunch of ideas that either dont bring in “enough” money or I have no interest in. I have to filter them based on motivation to remain in that “career” for the rest of my retirement saving life.

Someone told me that work is not supposed to be fun, it is supposed to be a sacrifice for future and family. That the world revolves around money and there is where our focus should lay. Sacrifice today so we can enjoy tomorrow. But what if I am not here tomorrow? What if you are not here tomorrow? Then I have sacrificed yesterday, today and tomorrow…in that event, what have I lived for?

I look around me at all the people I know. I make a list of everyone, if you are reading this you are probably on that list, trying to make up my mind. How many of the people in my world put money first? How many of them are wealthy in money and healthy relationships? How many of them would wish to go back in time and make “people” their focus rather than money? How many are happy? How many are not? How many have gotten into their career and then have to drag themselves through it day by day for the sake of money?

How do I find a career that I can remain in for the rest of my life? That is lucrative and makes me happy? In other words, how does one go about finding their calling?

I wish the world did not revolve around money and that I could be free to choose where to lay my gifts of self.

I have a wish but it is far from reach. I have a need within me to follow my calling, but it may not grow beyond a tiny flame. A dream sparkling at the bottome of a black hole.

Until I find a way to alter my path in life in the direction I would like to follow I am left with wishing… upon stars, candles on a cake, pennies in the well…


Protected: Life is a journey…a long one! October 25, 2011

Filed under: The Long Road — Beth @ 2:53 pm

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10 Years in June! September 29, 2011

Filed under: Life In General — Beth @ 3:30 pm

As my hubby and I start looking at plans for celebrating our 10 years of marriage next June I can’t help but look back at all the years we have been together. We have built many memories that will carry me though life, and I know that there is much more to come!

We have been through a lot together. Falling in love and marrying young, while wonderful, has its rough spots. One wall we came up against after about 1 year of marriage was the fact the we had “lied” to each other about who we were as individuals. Looking back with a bit more maturity I now realize that we hadnt really lied to each other. It was more of a case of not knowing your true self let alone paying attention to who someone else was. Hooking up as 18 year olds we had a lot of growing to do. We knocked our heads together, we raged at eachother, we threw things, we broke things, we hurt each other inside and out, we warred against each other! We were raised differently, we communicated differently, we had different needs. We had to relearn how to talk to eachother, how to listen to eachother, how to love eachother. It wasnt until our 2nd or even 3rd year of marriage that we decided stop banging our heads against the wall, open our eyes to see the other person we were bonded to for life, and decided we had to go big and make it work, or simply walk away. Walking away wasnt an option for us. We knew there was love, we knew there was a solid base, we just had to build something.We had to build a model, come together and make a list of things we did want and a list of things we didnt want. The years that followed were not easy years. Somewhere, lost within those years, is a conversation I had with my german grandmother. I still think of her words and sometimes chant them like a mantra, she said “when 2 people come together in marriage they are like stones in a river. At first those stones have jagged edges, pits, holes, cracks and flaws. The river takes those rocks and wears them smooth with time, sand, water. Slowly polishing them, knocking off the edges, sanding away the flaws, washing away what’s broken. Some days the river ebbs, some days it flow smoothly forward, somedays you fight with white water feeling like you are drowning, while others you sit at rest in a still pool.” Those words could not have come at a better time. Shortly after hearing them our lives went a little further off track than we had planned.

We had a few chances to jump out of the river that was sweeping us away, but we didnt. We kept moving forward, with me always looking ahead with optimism and him always looking behind with regret. Me planning for today, and him planning for tomorrow. Me thinking locally while he thinks globally. We have learned that we are opposites, but that is not a bad thing. Where I am weak, he is strong and vis versa.

On my wedding day, I was not thinking of the joy of that day, of that moment. I was thinking of days flowing by. I was thinking of that afternoon years from now, sitting on the front porch in rocking chairs, crotcheting in my lap, cool glasses of lemonade on the table between us. Me looking up at him with love and adoration still in my eyes, him relaxed in his chair, head back, eyes closed. Both of us with grey hair and wrinkles, a testament to living life. Looking into his eyes almost 10 years ago I didnt see the joy of that day, I saw the joy of a lifetime! I saw my world, my happiness, my sorrow, my everything! To this day, I can still see the porch scene.

The past 10 years have made us “smoother”, stronger, better. I know that we will always find a way and that someday we will make it to the porch, together!


Mouseys’ lies! August 20, 2011

Filed under: Life In General — Beth @ 10:19 pm

So as it turns out my last post was NOT the end of Mousey after all!

At this point I am so grossed out by my house that I really have no interest to eat anything that was in the house “pre-mousey” so I finished my last post here, ordered pizza online and started to clean out the pantry, starting with the shelf I knew Mousey had visited. I had spent 15 minutes pulling out and sorting through boxes of soups, lentils and beans. Disposing of the nibbled and putting the untouched into hard plastic bins!

Suddenly my 3.5 yr old was screaming behind me…I whirl around in time to see her shake a mouse trap off of her tiny ring finger! HOLY HELL I think, I hope her finger isnt broken! I grab her and hug her to my chest, when her screaming starts to wind down I pull away from her to inspect her little finger. I asked her then “what were you thinking? Do you remember Daddy said NO TOUCHING MOUSE TRAPS! THEY WILL BREAK YOUR FINGERS!?”. With great big alligator tears rolling down her cheeks she replies “but daddy didnt say I couldnt have the nut!”. I didnt know what to say to that, so I just hugged her again! I later asked her if she would ever touch another mouse trap…she said no, so I guess “natural” consequences teach solid lessons!

After consoling my screaming child for a good 10 minutes I stand up and see this:


That my friends is a little mouse, so completely stuffed with granola bar that he has fallen asleep so deeply that he didnt wake up to me working in the pantry right above him, or to my child screaming for 10 minutes!!!

My adrenaline started pumping…I am completely terrified that it will wake up and pounce at me like before! I am also wondering if this is the same ninja mouse from yesterday! I am also wondering if I will be able to grab a container to catch it with before a) it wakes up and b) before my children poke it!

I whisper to my kids not to touch it…but their little fingers are already inching towards it, my daughter is screeching with joy, yelling “hi hi little mouse! It is day time! WAKE UP!!!”. I grab a ziploc bowl and race back to the panty. My adrenaline is pumping, I will only get 1 shot…I lean in with bowl in 1 hand and lid in the other, I am just about to snap the trap closed when my son yells “BOO!” I throw the container up in the air in shock. I look down and see this little cherubic face grinning at me, little giggles are trying to be suppressed to no avail. I look back at the shelf, THE MOUSE IS STILL SLEEPING!!! Now I am wondering if it is dead!

So I pick the container back up and try again. This time I catch the little bugger! (at this point I want to stand with my back straight, chest out and muscles flexed…LOL). Then I realize I cant do anything to get rid of this thing with my children watching!

So I put the container on the floor for a few minutes for the kids to poke at, when I see he is starting to look rather droopy I decide to put him up on the fridge where he will be “safe” before he “falls asleep”. The kids fall for it…after about an hour of sitting on the fridge the mouse suddenly gets a burst of energy and the container starts to tip towards the edge of the fridge…this mousey is strong…I put the container on the counter and place a jar of nuts on top.

We go on with our evening, daddy comes home, we put the kids to bed and then he puts the poor little mouse out of his misery. Last night I figured that we were dealing with 3 tiny mice and 1 large one…this would mean the end of mousey for sure…I hope!


Mousey, the final chapter!

Filed under: Life In General — Beth @ 6:09 pm

So after all the excitement we have had over the past week, hubby had to come home and “ruin” all our “fun”.

He took the kids out shopping for mouse traps. The Bear argued with him the entire time that they were not looking for “traps” they were looking for “cages”. Hubby just smiled and nodded, grabbed the traps and booked it out of the store.

By the time they got home I was up-stairs submerged to my chin in warm bubbles. Being a super awesome hubby, he got the kids all cozied up in their jammies, gathered their blankies and stuffies, pillows and sleeping bags and turned the livingroom into a wonderful kid sized campground. He settled them in and pushed “play all” on the “She-ra” DVD. Placing a freshly cracked bulk package of gummie worms between them they were set for the night!

For the next 20 minutes all I hear is *SNAP* “ARGGGGH”, *SNAP* “SCHMIDT!”, *SNAP* “PUCKER”, *SNAP* “@#$%^&*@#$%^&*”. I have to admit that with each snap I was giggling a little harder. After all this he comes upstairs and I innocently (and with a straight face!) ask what is going on. So he tells me all about his frustration with these new style of mouse trap and about how stupid the design of the damn things is! (because it has nothing to do with the operator). Then he asks me where else I would like a trap to be, so far he has successfully set up 2 traps. So I give him a list of another 3 places…*hehehe*

He goes downstairs and determined-ly (is that a word?) sets to work to make his wifes mouse trapping dreams come true! Once he has them all in place he comes back upstairs to ask if I am ever coming out of the tub (I have now been in there for 2.5 hours!) to which I reply “are the kids asleep?”. “No” he says and gives me a look that says “if you say anything about the gummie worms I make you empty the traps”. So I stay in the tub for another hour!

We finally try to go to bed at about 10:30pm, but the kids wont fall asleep, they are too wired, to excited about catching mice in cages, and too revved up about camping in the living room with the mice that eat children and the dog who eats mice who eat children…

I give the kids 3 strikes and then march them up to their beds…entering my sons room I see that his bed has turned into a library! Each book on display in perfect horizontal rows covering the entire surface of the double bed. I look down at my grinning little boy and tell him in a stern voice that he has to the count of 5 to clear off his bed! With that I turn to go into my daughters room…and hear from behind me the sound of 50 books hitting the floor simultaneously! Guess I should have been more clear in my expectation that they would end up back on the shelf *sigh*.

Opening my eyes after cringing I see that there is no bedding on my daughters bed. I distinctly remember putting sheets back on her bed after the peepee fiasco of the night prior. So I turn to her and ask her what is going on…her answer “I peed the bed Mommy!” I dont get it, so I give her a funny look that says “what are you talking about?” she sighs, rolls her eyes, and matter of factly states “we were playing Baby-Baby and the mommy didnt change our bumbs fast enough!” So they stripped the bed! Nice…on with the search for clean bedding for a queen sized bed that will pass the royal princess’ approval!

Alright, back on track, kids are physically in their beds, their lights are off, their doors are closed…Hubby and I climb into bed, he pulls up the blankets as I roll over to turn off the light…and there beside the bed is a pouting 3 year old. “Want Daddy snuggles!”…sorry honey, you have your own bed for a reason! I take her back to bed 3 more times, the last time I say…”If you want to go to the zoo tomorrow, you will lay down, close your eyes and go to sleep right now!” I give her a kiss and leave the room. As I lay back down in bed, I quickly turn off the lights hoping that I will get to go to sleep now. Then we hear a click, our door is pushed open, my son comes in, chuggs back my water bottle, turns on his heal and goes back to bed with a resounding click of his door. I sigh, NOW I can go to sleep. *SNAP*!

I grin! Hubby heads downstairs, opens the baking cupboard and there in the trap is a mouse…a large mouse! Hubby crouches there for a minute…is it dead? There is a lot of blood, but just its arm is actually stuck in the trap…Hubby grabs the trap and runs outside in his boxers to releases it into the organics bin…if it isnt dead it will be permanently mangled! He goes back in the house feeling great that this mouse problem was so easy to fix. Just to be sure, he resets the trap…*SNAP* “AAARRRGGGHH” our big dog books it up the stairs to hide in our bedroom (he is not permitted in our bedroom, so it is really strange for him to pass the threshold). Hubby leans into the cupboard to replace the trap. He closes the cupboard door and *SNAP*…he opens the cupboard door and sees that the trap is fine.

Opening the door to the pantry he sees a little tiny mouse, definately dead, smooshed in the trap. He disposes of that one the same as the first. He resets the trap, washes his hands, turns out the lights and comes back to bed.

For the next 15 minutes he talks excitedly (a little bit like a puffed up macho man, back straight, chest out, muscles flexed) about how it is all in the peanut butter with an almond combo, gets them every time, they just cant resist it, some people like to argue with me about that, but I am just right every time…..

After about 5 minutes I start to giggle, saying things like: oh yeah!, that’s right!, every time!. Suddenly he looks over at me, frowns, lays down in bed with his back to me and the last thing I hear is a grumble about how I am not a very appreciative damsel!

I fall asleep with a grin, happy that I dont have to dream about being nibbled on by mice!


Mousey and the Bandit! August 19, 2011

Filed under: Life In General — Beth @ 12:39 pm

So last weekend I spent 3 hours cleaning out my garden shed! It was FULL of mice! They had gotten into the bird seed over the winter and multiplied! But there is nothing worth doing out there other than removing the food source and cleaning up the mess…so that is what I did!

Monday night I am sitting in my living room watching a movie when my smaller dog makes a huge scuffle in the kitchen, I dont really think anything of it because she likes to roll around on the hardwood, play and so on…then she comes up to me all happy and excited, puts her head on my knee for pets, I reach down to scratch her behind the ears and she places a still twitching mouse IN MY HAND!!! GROSS! But I say good dog, give her dog cookies, throw the damned mouse in the organics bin outside and that’s that!

THE NEXT NIGHT I am sitting at my computer typing away when this tiny little mouse goes scurrying over my toes! So I call my “mouser” dog into the room, she tracks it down and chases it under a livingroom chair. I think I have my bases covered because I have 1 dog on each side of the couch as I lift the darn thing! The mouse goes scurrying off between my big dogs feet and HE WATCHES IT GO…So here my hunter hasnt realized the mouse is gone, is still all revved up, probably thinking “let me at him, let me at him!” like a high strung chihuahua, and is looking at me expectantly. While the big one is still starring off between his legs…”uuhhh, look boss, there goes a mouse…uuuhhh isnt he cute!…”(read that with a classic big dumb guy voice from your choice of retro cartoon!). I turned off the lights and went to bed…dreaming all night about mice crawling all over me!

Wednesday night comes along and after putting the kids to bed I turn off most of the lights, sit down at my computer with my feet tucked under me (wouldnt want them to be in the way when my dog chases after the damn mouse!) and start typing away. My attack dog is sitting at my feet with her nose along the floor board. WHEN the same little mouse from the night before goes scurrying by…my dog jumps into action, snapping her jaws and chasing with all she is worth! The mouse races along the floor board and leaps through the bannister, off the 8 inch ledge to the sunkend living room. My dog is chasing with all she is worth and slams into the bannister, getting her head and 1 leg STUCK between the wooden rungs! I spend 15 minutes trying to convince her that she has to go backwards before going forwards and finally get her unstuck. She gets back on the trail and finds the little mouse behind the entertainments unit (she is 35 lbs, she does not fit behind the entertainment unit!) so I pull the TV away from the wall and there among the cords is the little mouse…my dog attacks, sending the little thing farther in behind the furniture to where niether the dog nor I can get at it! So we settle in to wait it out. My dog jams her face into a crevace and takes deep breaths, she knows he is in there, she whines and pants and snuffles for 45 minutes! Then I see the little mouse come out from behind the furniture on the opposite side from her and her races for his life back along the floor board, I grab my dog and show her that he is racing away…she refuses to budge! I pull and pull and then push her, but she will not budge! Mean while I see the mouse book it for the kitchen, my big dog is following it and I am thinking there is hope for him yet! The mouse stops, my big dog stops, they are looking at each other, less than a foot apart. He is leaninging towards the shaking little mouse…sniffs it, makes a pffft sound and WALKS AWAY!!! The mouse continues on into the kitchen and disappears under the fridge…my “hunter” stays glued to the crevace for another house before I hear her snoring, he nose jammed so far into the corner I dont know how she is breathing!

Thursday night, I decide to be prepared. I pull all the furniture I can away from the walls. I plug all the gaps between the walls and the furniture that I cant move. I turn the lights low, I get my dog all hyped up…and wait! The mouse goes scurrying along the floor board at 10:15! My dog gives chase…I have blocked the bannister off hoping to create a dead end…the mouse is shocked but responds quickly by CLIMBING THE CURTAIN!!! So I shake it off and the chase continues…after hitting every single dead end I have created the mouse stops to catch its breath and my dog pounces! That is the end ot that mouse!

Friday morning comes around and I think that I am free and clear of our little mouse problem. I start checking all the areas of the house where we have food and cleaning up anything that they have disturbed. It doesnt look like they have been on the counters. I pull everything away from the walls and scrub the counters and appliances. I then look in the baking cupboard, they have been there but didnt get into anything, so I take it all out, wash everything with scalding, chemical loaded water and put it all back. I go systematically through my whole kitchen, starting to feel cleaner and like I have accomplished something this morning. Then I open the pantry thinking, today is a good day to make oatmeal raisin cookies, yes that will make me feel right as rain! I start to hum, gathering the ingredients as I go…then, arms loaded, sugar, raisins, I grab the bag of oatmeal from the top shelf…and hear a squeak. I slowly turn the bag around and there, staring at me from a cave dug into the oatmeal is a little grey mouse…I pause, trying to think of how to deal with this…the dogs are outside, the kids are sitting 3 feet away and my hands are full…but I am too slow, the mouse LEAPS AT ME! Lands on my shoulder, leaps through the air, landing on the floor with a solid thump, shakes its head and darts under the fridge! I start to systematically clear out the pantry, washing and scrubbing all over again…wondering how many there really are and how long they take to reproduce, strategizing how many traps I will buy tonight and where I will put them…